this robot makes me want to self-destruct.

my friend blake and i have this joke.  the hilarity began the evening he and his boyfriend broke up and we were ruthlessly bashing the ex, as bitter old batties are wont to do.  blake began listing all of the infuriating habits of said old flame, and we started in on that age old dialouge, which we tirelessly revisit, regarding how incompetent men are when it comes to dealing with oversensitive (we like to call it "passionate") people like ourselves.  (psst! we just want you to shut up and cuddle. no need to talk. it's that simple.)
the joke goes like this: what if customer service representatives behaved towards their customers the way boyfriends behave when faced with difficult moments in a relationship? they would be SO fired!
customer: "hi, um, i wanted to talk to someone? this isn't what i ordered...i got the..."
customer service/boyfriend: "stop. ok? just stop."
customer: "but, this isn't what i wanted. this is the wrong order..."
customer service/boyfriend: "look. i had a long day. i don't want to talk about this anymore."
customer: "this is ridiculous! my order is wrong! where is your manager?"
customer service/boyfriend: "why do you keep going over the same problem? we talked about this already. just stop. okay? stop."
customer: "i'm leaving! this is the worst service ever!"
customer service/boyfriend: "you make EVERYTHING about you! i can't just stop my life for you ok? just go. i don't want to deal with this."

FIRED. right? and hilarious.

so today i noticed that a magazine out there somewhere, that i've never heard of, has decided that i would love a subscription to their publication.  they were so considerate as to go so far as to charge my account FOR ME! so i don't even have to worry about it! isn't that sweet?  the best part, and what was just peachy, was that in order to cancel this unasked for subscription, i got to talk to their voice robot for, like, 30 MINUTES. best reason to stay after work, if you ask me.
but this really was a good thing, cuz it got my little brain cogs turning. what if boyfriends acted like voice robots? wouldn't THAT be AWESOME?!

robot/boyfriend: hey! i'm so glad you called! what's up?
you: hey...look this isn't really working out...
robot/boyfriend: i'm sorry, i didn't catch that. can you repeat it please?
you: i think we should break up.
robot/boyfriend: i'm sorry you are not pleased with our relationship. but listen! why don't we just stay together? for, like, two more months? and then if you STILL don't like it, we can break up.
you: no, really, i just, this isn't what i want. i don't think i wanted it from the beginning. i want to end it.
robot/boyfriend: are you sure?
you: yeah
robot/boyfriend: i'm sorry, i didn't catch that. can you repeat it please?
you: yes, i want to break up
robot/boyfriend: i'm sorry, i didn't catch that. can you repeat it please?
you: YES!
robot/boyfriend: i'm sorry, i didn't catch that. can you repeat it please?
you: OH. MY. GOD.  what is wrong with you? i want to break up! ok?
robot/boyfriend: i'm sorry you are having so much trouble speaking clearly, here are some tips:
a) try to relocate to a quieter area, outside noise can interfere
b) if your phone is having a bad connection, please try to call again later
c) make sure you only say things i want to hear, otherwise i won't process it.
can you please repeat?
you: AAGGGGGGHHHH!!!! (heavy restricted breathing) ...look. i. don't. want. to. be. with. you. any. more. ever.
robot/boyfriend: i'm sorry you are not happy with our relationship. but hey! you could date me AND one of my douche bag friends for the next two months, and you won't have to pay for dinner EVER! would you like to do that?
you: what?! no! why would i want to do that?
robot/boyfriend: ok. ok. how about you can date my brother AND my friend AND me for four months! and you wouldn't have to give any of us blow jobs! and we would clean our hair out of the drain after we took a shower! would you like to do that?
you: what the hell are you talking about!? that doesn't even make sense! that's actually gross...DUDE. i just want to break up! why is that so hard to understand?!!
robot/boyfriend: please hold while i let you talk to my mom.
you: oh. my. god.
*click*

i think i may be onto something here.