how to get fat in five steps or less.

I don't take the stairs at work, which you may want to judge me for once you find out that my office is on the third floor.  I also don't take the stairs at the Bart station, which is really only two flights of stairs.  But listen people!
I have a really good reason for this: I have made it a personal objective to stop flashing my butt crack at every lucky stranger I encounter through my day, and my work pants have gotten way too big. 
Hence! When I walk up stairs, my pants fall down. 
And! My hands are usually full.  I have to have my fastpass out to put in the machine thingy, and I have my coffee (which I WONT give up, especially since I just found out that coffee drinkers kill themselves only 1/2 as often as tea-totalers do -> coffee = life-saving-necessity)
So! I can't pull them up.
Double Hence! Buttcrack for all of San Francisco.

Which, if you think about it, is really awesome. Cuz that means that since I bought all my work clothes back in May, I have gotten skinnier!  And now cannot take the stairs...which means I'll probably get fat again...which means my pants will fit! And I can wait another year before I have to wander into H&M again.  So is this a good thing? Or a bad thing?  I can't tell.  All I know is that if you want to see my buttcrack from now on, you can get to know me on the elevator/escalator and maybe, if I like you, I'll give you a little peek.